Battling Burnout Part I: My Journey with Work Stress & Anxiety

Hey, friends! I hope you’re having a beautiful week. In my prior post, “Life Update: Let’s Catch Up,” I briefly shared that I experienced a series of health challenges throughout last year. The symptoms that I experienced were very abnormal and manifested suddenly. Some came and went, and others were more severe, causing me to go to the ER twice. These symptoms also prompted countless doctor’s visits, which included a gamut of tests and procedures (i.e. MRI, chest X-rays, EKG, CT scan, EDG, bloodwork, etc.). I’m extremely thankful that all of my test results came back favorably. At the time, however, it was frustrating to receive those results and continue to not feel well. 

In the months leading up to all of this, I’d been pretty vocal with my parents about how busy and intense work had been for an extended period of time. This prompted them to believe that my symptoms were stress-related. At this point, I was approaching two years in my role and already starting to get the itch to pursue something new. However, after considering the ways work had been impacting my mental health, and presumably even my physical health, it became clear that I needed to take action sooner rather than later. 

As a result, I informed my manager in April that I was interested in exploring other job opportunities within HR. During the conversation, I was transparent that I needed more work-life balance due to my mental and physical health challenges. She confirmed her support in me pursuing another role and initially signaled September as the target transition time. Although a few months out, the timing was in line with my expectations and desires. Following that conversation, I spoke with several peers and senior leaders to determine which role would be most suitable for me and in alignment with my career goals and personal needs. Fortunately, those conversations led me to the perfect role on a team with great leadership. 

I started to feel hopeful as things began to align before my eyes. Unfortunately, that hope was quickly snatched away when I learned that I’d no longer be able to transition in September due to a teammate resigning before our busiest season of the year. Consequently, September turned into “sometime after year-end.” Though frustrated, I tried to convince myself that I could push through for a few more months since I’d already endured for so long. Deep down inside, however, I knew there was a possibility that my mental and physical health challenges would be exacerbated as the intensity of work ramped up throughout the remainder of the year. 

Fast forward to August, I went to the doctor for my annual physical. By this time, I was feeling somewhat better relative to the start of the year, but I was still experiencing some lingering symptoms. Hearing this, my doctor recommended that I take two consecutive weeks off from work. Now that we’d ruled out all other potential medical concerns, the only other reasonable cause for all of my symptoms was chronic stress caused by work burnout. Per my doctor’s recommendation, I proceeded with the time off. I was grateful for the break and framed it as an opportunity to reset, and hopefully get better, in order to persevere through the year-end season. 

The time off was nourishing and restorative as I prioritized rest. By the end of the two weeks, I felt more grounded, peaceful, centered, and rejuvenated and was ready to return to work and finish out the year strong. However, to my surprise, my physical and mental health relapsed after just one month of being back in my job. I remember feeling so anxious and frustrated about my work situation and experienced another panic attack. After that episode, I scheduled an appointment with my therapist to help me process the situation. 

During our session, we processed through some other options to resolve the situation since my plan to transition into a new role by September didn’t go as expected. These options were: a) take a leave of absence or b) quit. After eliminating the option of quitting, it was clear that I needed to take a leave of absence; but I was still struggling internally to move forward. As good therapists do, she challenged me to look inward and understand what was preventing me from taking the action I knew I needed to take. 

After digging a bit, we discovered that people-pleasing was the root cause of my inaction. I was worried about what my manager would think of me for stepping away from work during the busiest time of year. I was worried about creating more burdens for my team, which was already understaffed. I was worried that people would perceive me as not being a team player. I was worried about disappointing others. My therapist then hit me with some tough love, and said something along the lines of “Why is everyone else more important than you? Why are you worried about everyone else and ignoring the cries from your very own body?”

At that moment, tears began flowing from my eyes as I was hit with the revelation that I was putting everyone else before my very real needs. Although hard to hear, it was the conversation I needed to empower me to take action. Shortly after, I reached out to my company’s leave of absence administrator to initiate a medical leave of absence. Next, I had a conversation with my manager and teammates about my plans to take a leave of absence through the end of the year. Oh and guess what? All of those stories I created in my head about letting others down were far from true. My manager and teammates were understanding and supportive. 

After helping to transition some critical items, I took the months of November and December off — which turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made for myself ☺️ Check out my next post, “Battling Burnout Part II: Sabbatical Reflections,” to hear about my journey recovering from burnout and the lessons I learned from this experience.