The Gift of Community
Throughout this past month, I’ve had the pleasure of seeing and spending time with my immediate family and some of my closest friends. And to top things off, my best friend from college surprised me with a visit from Washington, D.C. I couldn’t believe she made a spontaneous decision to drive six hours and spend a few days with me, but her visit couldn’t have been more timely. That particular weekend, I was feeling a bit down. Her visit also fell on the one year anniversary of my maternal grandmother’s passing. My friend had no idea of the type of morning I’d had just prior to her arrival, but God literally sent me an angel that weekend to affirm, “Daughter, you are seen. You are heard. You are not alone. You are loved.” As I reflected on my friend’s visit this week, I was reminded of God’s love and faithfulness towards me. I’ve found that He often uses situations and people to demonstrate those things in my life. I was also reminded how blessed I am to have the community of family and friends that I have in my life.
There is so much beauty and joy found in experiencing life with others. For me, I enjoy engaging in meaningful conversations, traveling, eating meals, spending quality time, and creating memories with those closest to me. As I’ve gotten older and learned to be more transparent and vulnerable in my relationships, I’ve also discovered the strength found in community. When life presents challenges, I know I don’t have to face them alone. When I’m contemplating a major life decision or need help navigating a situation, I know where to turn for advice and godly counsel. When I’m not doing well mentally or emotionally, I feel empowered to say “I’m not okay.” When I’m struggling in a particular area, I trust that my blindspots will be called out and constructive criticism provided.
My community shows up for me in so many different ways, and I’m especially grateful for their love, support, encouragement, accountability, and prayers. One thing I want to note, however, is that my relationships haven’t always looked like this. I had to get to a place where I was comfortable being vulnerable with others, seeking help when needed, and giving others permission to show up for me. This was particularly challenging for me, because I grew up learning to be very independent. I also knew that vulnerability would sometimes require me to share the not so great parts of my life. In this moment, I’m grateful for the lessons humility has taught me and how it has allowed me to experience the strength and beauty found in community.
Another beautiful element of my most cherished relationships is that they are mutually beneficial. It is so fulfilling to be in relationships where my energy is matched, my love is reciprocated, and the other person is equally committed to and invested in the relationship. After having experienced one-sided relationships, I now have a greater appreciation for mutually beneficial relationships. One-sided relationships are no fun. They are unhealthy and have left me feeling drained, frustrated, resentful, disappointed, and taken advantage of. It’s definitely been an ongoing process for me, but I’ve become more aware of the importance of not staying in unhealthy relationships and focusing my time and energy on fruitful relationships.
What about you? What does community look like for you? I hope that you’re also experiencing the blessing of community in your life. If not, I pray that God begins to send people into your life that will add value and not detract. I also encourage you to step outside of your comfort zone and intentionally set out to build meaningful relationships with others. Start with people who share similar interests, passions, and values with you, and surround yourself with people who you can be authentic with and who genuinely love you.
For those of you who have these types of people in your life, but still feel like you’re not experiencing the fullness of community, let me ask you this: Have you given them permission to show up for you or are you still trying to do life alone? Remember, you don’t have to do life alone. We were actually created to be in community with others – to enjoy life with one another and support each other through difficult seasons of life.
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NLT)
Another question I’d like to pose is: Are you primarily focused on the people who rejected or disappointed you or are no longer in your life? I’ve been guilty of this before, and it has caused me to overlook the people who were consistently present in my life for years. Don’t fall into this trap, ask God to heal you from past hurts so you can fully recognize and receive the love that others want to freely give to you.
Whatever the case may be, I encourage you to begin or continue investing in fruitful, mutually beneficial relationships. I encourage you to embrace humility as well as vulnerability and allow others to support you. I encourage you to let go of what isn’t and grab hold of what is available to you. Lastly, I pray that you would allow the love of God to flow through you in your relationships.
With love,
Imanne